


One of Your Own is Something I'll Never Be

by LemonWicky



Series: In Darkest Thoughts [2]
Category: Original Work
Genre: Depression, Loss, Regret, Sadness, break-up, negativity
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-27
Updated: 2016-07-27
Packaged: 2018-07-27 04:54:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,142
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7604260
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LemonWicky/pseuds/LemonWicky
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Blake and Dominic talk.</p>
            </blockquote>





	One of Your Own is Something I'll Never Be

**Author's Note:**

> Pretty much about my experience with an ex-friend. 
> 
> Blake is me; my internet persona, for the most part.

A park, filled to the brim with children and their parents, young adults and their animals, was where they decided to meet.

Blake sat on a park bench, away from the people busy with their lives. He envied the people who could live, breath, and think without The Darkness that haunted him everywhere he went. He couldn't imagine a life where he could just simply be without any fear.

"Hey." Said a quiet voice next to him and he looked up to see Dominic standing over him, looking both equal parts worried and blank.

"Yo." Blake greeted and scooted over to allow the short male to sit next to him.

The following few minutes were spent in tense silence. Blake broke it with a soft, broken, "Why?"

Dominic sighed. "Dude, you're a good dude, but like...you're too much." He started. "You touch too much, you're so clingy and do you know how many times I had to get Mary to not yell at you? You made Brooklyn cry a couple of times and Matt and Max hated you. Tiffany was so uncomfortable. Kevin didn't want to come over because you were so...touchy and you didn't want to listen to anything I had to say." He looked at Blake with a helpless expression. "I had to kick you out, bro."

Blake was taken aback.

He didn't know any of it. He couldn't fathom that anyone felt like that; he thought people were happy and fine with him staying.

The young man looked away, looked down at his feet and tried to wrap his head around it.

The blond male next to him waited then sighed. "You have to understand, I have to look out for my own, man, and I-"

"I wasn't one of your own?" Blake said, interrupting Dominic. Dominic jumped when Blake stood up suddenly, turning to face the sitting male fully, angry tears in his eyes.

"I wasn't one of your own! I wasn't one of you and nothing I would have done would have ever made 'your own' accept me!"" He screamed, catching the attention of some of the other park goers.

"Dude, calm down, don't cause a scene." Dominic hissed, but Blake kept going.

"No, I will not! I thought that this was fucking chance, Dominic! I never fucking had anyone to fucking play cards with, I never had someone I could invite over and waste an afternoon playing videogames, I never had anyone to call up when my uncle was fucking yelling at me for not getting the goddamn dishes as clean as he wanted them or when my aunt fucking said I was going to never amount to anything!

"I fucking had to make people! I had to make people pity me, so I could at least let myself vent every once in a while! When I couldn't, guess what I fucking did?! I sliced my thighs to fucking shit so I could let loose! So I could feel myself breathe again!"

Blake hiccuped a sob, the tears falling freely as more people started inching their way closer to them. He didn't care.

"When you told me I could stay with you, that I could get away from my aunt and uncle, I was so fucking happy! I was ecstatic! I thought that this was my chance to get help from some adult who has some of their shit together to teach me how to be an adult too! I thought this was my chance to have a support group who would help me get better and help me grow and help me learn how to survive and thrive! I thought I could finally stop cutting myself and using that pain as a crutch to help me get through life!"

He backed away, far enough away to let Dominic stand up. "But nah. All I got was lies and untruths and hate hidden behind false kindness. You bastards hated me from the beginning, didn't you? When I went out to get something to eat, I went out because I couldn't help but think that the hostility I felt was in my head. I went out to let everyone get a temporary break, to let you guys bond because fuck you if no one wanted to discourage my misguided attempts at bonding when y'all fucking dogpiled on each other." His hands were shaking and walking up on them, way in the distance, was a police officer.

Dominic saw him and said, "Bro, I'm sorry, okay? Dude, I'm sor-"

"YOU AIN'T SORRY ABOUT SHIT!" Blake screamed at the top of his lungs. "You ain't sorry that you took in someone who was so fucking broken because of intense loneliness, years of emotional abuse, and this overwhelming need to bend over backwards to fit in! You ain't sorry you realized you couldn't handle me so you fucking lied to me, pretending everything was la-di-fucking-da okay! I don't remember you ever trying to tell me shit! I don't remember you ever trying to keep the peace! All I fucking remember is you hiding in your room with Mary while I tried to connect to your roommates and younger sister! All I fucking remember is never feeling welcomed and everyone keeping me at arm's length!"

The officer was closer now, but Blake was finally winding down.

"But maybe," He sniffled, wiping at his eyes furiously, his throat sore from crying and yelling. "Maybe I should thank you. For showing me why I shouldn't trust people. That I can't rely on anyone but my goddamn self. I'm too broken to ever be loved, right? 'Too much' to be one of anyone's own. People don't really care about someone who isn't their own, and God knows I'm not part of anyone's own. I never fucking will be and I should stop fucking trying."

"Bro, you shouldn't think like that..." There were tan arms coming to...do something, maybe wrap Blake in a hug, but Blake swatted them away.

"I shouldn't, but guess fucking what? I do, and you did shit all to help me think differently. I probably should stop being so self-pitying too, but fuck it if anyone else will." Blake reached for the bag he brought with him, the officer no more than twenty feet from the two men. "I am done. I hope our supposedly shared friends side with you and leave me the fuck alone. I don't deserve them, don't really need to hurt them."

Blake started walking away, towards his aunt and uncle's house, away from the last light of hope of getting away from The Darkness he had.

"And Dom..." Blake called out, looking behind him a last time. He saw that the officer was next to Dominic now, looking between the two men. "Tell Shane that I said hi."

With that...he walked away.

**Author's Note:**

> Am I a jaded, cynical, neurotic person? 
> 
> Yes. 
> 
> Can you blame me, with my deep-rooted trust issues, incredible loneliness, crippling depression, and intense self-loathing? 
> 
> Depends on how you think of me.


End file.
